Scribbling Away on a Sunday Afternoon (Obviously I’m lazy and annoyed right now)

I have to admit that I go online on facebook.com whenever I can to update as to what’s happening with the people around me, as well as some events that may satisfy my random interests. It sometimes may not be on a daily basis, because work can be draining (yes, even to the point of sleeping with my PC on). But lately I have to go online to comply with the terms and conditions of my academic requirements.

Yes, the very social networking site that gave sleepless nights to countless unnamed individuals, of varying age, status, and occupation. I have not only need to go online, but I need to access it on a specific time so I’m able to work around it. I hope you can feel how annoyed I am on this, because I really am. Here’s why:

Last week, our professor in Aesthetics class gave us the midterm project we’ll never (EVER) forget. I was able to jot down the details so I won’t forget, though I doubt I’ll ever do. I have to hand it to her for her sense of imagination, but I’d rather do a 5-10 page research paper. Anyway, here’s what I’ve obtained.

Midterm Project:

Create or utilize an existing Facebook game account:

o Farmville

o Café World

o Farm town

o Island Paradise

Design the setting by applying any of the aesthetic principles taken

Write a one page paper and submit as a hard copy “defending” the aesthetic principle application

Passed during our next meeting

I was so annoyed that night, I called Hiphop music as pang-kanto (ghetto) without hesitation. I dunno. Probably I haven’t been dancing and bobbing my head to the endless slamming bass beats, and some big and threatening name for a random rapper who constantly brags about how many assess (hoes) they’ve screwed over, the number of bling-blings, cars and houses they have which may cause some to share the hate. Well what can I say? They gangsta… gotta lot of drug money to spend and get away with it and get shot in the end (okay I’m gonna stop on this). Oh yeah, I’d still say I’m a big fan of the music.

Anyway, like I mentioned earlier it’s been almost a week of having hurrying back home to go online and work on my project, like some crazy idiot whose life and sanity depends on the length of time playing the game. Though there are some games that I’m actually hooked when I log on, it’s just that the list of games are annoying enough for me to even do. I could barely do the things I want to do even!

Where’s the beach when I need it?

It sucks when "growing up" becomes more and more of a strict requirement.

Right at this very moment, I’m currently tracing back as far as my earthly existence is concerned. And so far, I’ve come to realized that I will be turning 27 in a few months. Three more years and I’m no longer within the age “20” bracket. That means 26 years of living and acting as if I’m a cartoon character in an anime show, minus the obvious expressions you’d normally see if you watch an episode (huge sweat drops, frantic movements etc). Usually these ideas don’t bother me at all since it would just be like what… a year older on my record? And most likely, celebrating my birthday wouldn’t be an explosive one compared to a couple of people I know. But now it alerts me the same way my alarm clock functions—may not be annoyingly loud, but a message can be clearly understood from it.

Guys, I’m worried about how my life would turn out in the next coming years, financially-speaking. I don’t usually worry a lot, but now it scares me by sheer thought of it.

Usually when I look at my desk, all I can see are 16 Gundam model kits that I’ve collected since the beginning of last year. Now, I look at approximately Php13,000 wasted completely on “toys”. That amount could’ve been allotted to something more productive and useful either with my academics or in handling my finances. I’m looking at the times when I splurge selflessly on things that temporarily satisfy my material desires (minds off the gutter, please). My somewhat rare escapades to the metro are becoming more and more… pointless.

I’m probably sober from my financial delusions that one day I’ll be hitting the lottery jackpot. Though wishful thinking that you may probably strike gold in that kind of fashion, it’s still illogical. A random John Doe would have more chances getting hit by an 18-wheeler in broad daylight, than winning in these kinds of games…

So… A quick reality check, here. Where am I now?

· I’m working as an agent in a call center, somewhere in the metro earning more or less around 8-9K per cut off every month.

· I’m currently taking up Arts Management in one of the newest artistically-involved institution since UST, and since my job involves working during the day and that night schedules are becoming more and more hard to find, I don’t think I’d be able to finish the course anytime soon.

· Dating myself for 500 bucks and less whenever I have the time. If not, then I’d be sticking my ass at home until further notice, since I can surf wirelessly with ease.

· Still stucked-up with my ideal lifestyle and is somewhat struggling to make that a reality.

The question I’m asking myself now, is.. What are my chances really of changing the course of my life and for me to stop sulking and brooding over lost hopes? I’m interested in making my life free from thinking too much about when will my next pay check will arrive for me to satisfy my needs and the family that I will establish in the future. One thing’s for sure… My current paycheck won’t satisfy much on that. What do I still need to do?

I hope I’m not all too late realizing this.

Valentine's Day and me ^_^'

I’m sorry if I haven’t been posting lately. I was somewhat slacking off with watching at YouTube (which is something I shouldn’t be doing all the time). Alas, another distraction aside from the usual Facebook site. I’d say there’s nothing interesting going around my world, apart from the never-ending discussion on the ever so famous Manny Villar ads et al that, at first, never really gave attention of it until the very commercial becomes a parody of what the presidentiable would like us to see and believe. More about this on the next posts.

I’m writing again, probably because it’s a special day for couples and singles alike (and obviously I have enough the time to do this). Guys and gals, its… (ugh) Valentine’s day! *waves both his arms frantically*

*winds begin to whistle while the tumbleweeds rolled past him*

Though there are a lot of people making a huge fuss about it, in reality I’m not one of them for obvious reasons. First, this event never really got my attention aside from a sea of couples doing the “holding-hands-while-walking-without-a-care-in-the-world” thing, guys rushing to get their gifts to give their dates, and when every shop has roses, chocolates, and stuffed animals to sell (I thought I saw one Starbucks Coffee shop nearby offering all these a few days ago and that it actually surprised me more than annoy).

Second, this “hallmark” holiday made every mall, store and flower shop in the metropolis packed and the traffic is horrifying enough that I will remind to either lock myself up next time it happens or plan two to three weeks ahead to anticipate it. And third… I’m not interested looking for a date at the moment. Period.

A lot of people have been asking me this question lately, and every time I try to reason out and answer the question, a wave of decoys and random distractions follow to disrupt my fragile flow of thought. Now that I’m at a place far from my sweet Manila home, and that my internet speed would last me approximately around 5-6 hours of non-stop surfing (that I don’t normally do, unless if I’m at a café waiting for someone), I think I’m able to answer this post (I hope).

For those who don’t know, I chose to be single again because of the very reason that I am becoming more and more volatile when it comes to decision-making. In a perfect world, men are usually the ones who choose where to eat, when to hang out and what to do on a specific day when engaged in a relationship. And as what was written on my previous post, I’m not really that much of a team player and that whatever the decision in specific majority has been made, then I’m bound to accept it whether I like it or not. Sucks to admit that I’m only good in making decisions for myself, not considering what other people may think or feel about it. One of the not-so-good traits of growing up and swinging by myself.

Another thing is that I’ve grown accustomed to be by my own with my activities most of the time. I guess that also explains why my fields of interest are so…otherworldly to human society. Don’t get me wrong…I don’t mean that I’m not easy to be with, because I can go with the flow if I wanted to (wherever it’ll take me even). I’m probably saying this because I miss being with myself, and the kind of antics and misadventures I’ve had with my friends (who shares the same interests as I am). You can say that I miss the “light” side of me back in the days; compared to the somewhat neutral and at most times, the cold and condescending façade I would normally show to the rest of the world (I’m being polite here).

Based from these points I’ve mentioned, I guess it’s safe to say that I’ve still got a lot of growing up to do. I’ll be turning 27 in three months, yet I’ve got the mindset of a troubled (not to mention, delinquent) teenager. I need the extra time to re-evaluate myself and evolve into something more acceptable and capable in handling the trying times, so that the very person who I fervently pray for and I believe is destined to be and grow old with me will understand that I’m not doing this because I’m being selfish but the reason why I’m making these preparations is to become a better man, compared to that spineless fledgling before, and to the somewhat-unpredictable and underachieved fool that I am now.

I hope you don’t take today’s entry that I am one miserable, dateless being, because people who know me well enough would see me as an emotional person, not to mention a sweet and mushy one (I think). I guess that this would be my third attempt to do this entry, as the other ones were not what I was expecting turned out overly emotional. Either that, or it was too mushy that I had to stop every now and then just to smoke. Probably I’d go out again someday. But at the moment, I’m happy where I’m currently standing at the moment.

It’s Valentine’s Day. Couples, celebrate your unity and own each other to the fullest (depending on your definition of it). To those who are bitterly single (admit it or not), patience pays a lot in waiting. Trust me, it’s all worth it.

As for me? I’m single, no doubt not available for dating. But I never said anything that I’ll be celebrating it alone, have I? ^_^’

Blast from the past dated April 25, 2006

I've been thinking... Though everybody constantly tell me not to go overboard, the summer heat, my inability to express my thoughts verbally, and the "loneliness" made it so irresistable. So let's see how far I've gone...

I've received an SMS from a friend and she confided how she felt awful yesterday. She narrated how she misses her ex-boyfriend. A few hours before the incident, she was telling me how they broke up-- apparently the guy cheated on her. I'd say... women. *clicks his tongue*

Truth be told, she's not the only one who poured her heart to me. I've seen and heard this so many times and in different languages...I can sniff it out from anyone. The regrets they had for making their significant others' as the center of their universe and the whole nine yards. Honestly? I've probably crashed and burned in a similar fashion, just minus the boo-hoo moments.

Ever since I've learned to put myself in someone else's situation, I've been listening to these sob stories for as long as I can remember. And everytime, I give them my versions of unsolicited advices and "feel-good" words and phrases that it wasn't their fault that made their significant others do it (blah-blah-blah...yadda-yadda-yadda). I feel it's unfair to say that no matter how hard I listen to their problems, nobody would have the heart to listen to me. But then, that's just me and that's another story to tell.

So here's my question... Do we guys always have to take the blame whenever a crippling situation brews up? Obviously, I've heard countless of these ladies' "ideal men" confessions, and I guess clearing this one up will put my mind at ease.

Men, in majority has always been regarded as the Alphas of society and history has dictated these several times (I need not explain this). An impressive set of physical attributes, a considerably-tolerable IQ level, a somewhat live-able life philosophy, not to mention a pretty face, a ridiculously-affluent bank account and a heart to fill for a woman. These are some of the few requirements. Anybody having any of these would definitely drop someones undergarments off and snag a chic at any given day. Yes, even if they are blind-folded, hand-cuffed and chained.

Man's social responsibility is to support the life of the family he establishes. Though time witnessed its change of course with the women joining the workforce, the pressure for the men to uphold discipline to their childer, protect his pack, and maintain their stature together with all the rest still remains. Though women deserve the right to be respected as well as honored and loved because of their sensitivity and being emotionally-volatile, I believe that men should deserve that kind of treatment as well.

I'm not being unfair with the female department, because I've heard and seen their tears. I've listened through their complaints and I say it is just. But as the saying goes "it takes two to tango". It means two dancers should play their roles equally to exercise their performance as it should be.

Case en pointe: Guys do the most immature and the darnest inconsiderate things and cheat because there are things that their partners aren't really satisfied with.

I'm not saying that it's an excuse to cheat because your S.O. because can not fill in with the qualities the "other" has. I'm just saying that these are occurences that should be observed closely. As to how to fill it in, is no longer my responsibility to tell you.

Because there are reasons that we consider greatly in ourselves and to our partners whenever we engage in a relationship.

Because the responsibility that we fill to love and keep you, as well as on the world we're living in is great, that we also deserve to be catered, and loved, and respected. That also includes how our minds work and how we handle pressure. And when I say responsibility, I do not mean it as a chore or a task. We are capable of loving people even if the "why" question cannot be answered directly. I say this as a responsibility because, after all, it's the boyfriends who comes in first to love their partners right?

And to demand things far more than what we can currently offer is unreasonable to the things we've sacrificed to just be with you... This'll make us question our worth, that may result to us finding someone who may find us valuable with just being ourselves.

And ladies...knowing that we're trying our best to be your personalized "Superman", please keep in mind that the things that we have laid upon our backs are and will always be life-changing, that we are willing to carry your burdens and solve them "together". I know you do love and care for us, and we're not expecting you to give your all and support us (at least not until the vows has been said). What we need is someone who could understand the things that we are concerned about-- the elements that makes us into who we are, including you and the things you believe in.

Please comment if you will. A witchhunt might be sought after me for this ^_^'

This is not me. This is my bad side talking

I've got an ugly confession to make. So ugly, me reading and editing this entry scares me.

I've been working in an industry where working together as a team is crucial for an individual or a group's success for more or less around five or six years, but I've never fully grasped the concept of teamwork (How far am I on understanding this at the moment? I'm not yet done with the letter "T". Go figure). Either you go ahead and hate or make fun of me on this. I couldn't really care any less at the moment.

I've always related this kind of strategy with two activities: basketball and high school projects-- both which I don't have a spark of interest with. Pardon my primitive mind... I've always been the non-conformist since fate etched the very two letters on my forehead. And don't get me wrong...I have marched and graduated high school with the kind of fashion I wanted--with style, that is.

It's just that back then, whenever I'm assigned to a group for an activity or project, my colleagues' participation are as follows (probably I'd still do this even if I had to live my life all over again):

• Temperature control... simply by letting them sit down and not move a muscle on group activities
  
• Full participation in minimizing noise pollution by keeping their traps shut. This also gives me peace of mind.
  
• Them doing the "smile and wave" move to the audience by putting words in their mouths. Voluntarily or otherwise.

Yes, it's my way or the highway. I'm mean, I've got no soul. So somebody stake me right now before I grow fangs and suck the life outta you. I really don't care. That's how I got by with life. When I was on the road, when all else fails, the only person I can only depend on is myself and no one else.

Ah, but wait... Don't get me wrong, I've worked in several teams and succeeded on several occasions. How come I still haven't grasped it?

There are two underlying theories and this still depends on a given situation. If I work with people who have already proved themselves worthy of the respect and insight, I'll willingly participate. No questions asked.

But since working with friends isn't something realistic on my part at the very least, I only do it for the sole purpose, that I won't be bothered by anybody's bickering. I'll be bold enough to say that there's nothing holistic in the things that I do-- I only do as I'm told. after the whole thing, I don't have anything to do with you anymore.

Love me, stick with me, or just plain hate me. I don't really give a rat's ass about it. This is me-- or at least a part of me. I'm not forcing myself to anyone. I just come and go as I please, whenever I want it, however I'd like it to be

(Okay... I'd better shut up now)