My Reason for Writing

Why do you write?

Cha asked me this question yesterday. She reads my blog every time I tell her that I've posted my work. All of a sudden, I paused and thought about it all night until now. Why do I write? This question can not be answered by my usual "I dunno... Should there be reason?" line, that's for sure. I traced back to the years when I blogged about random things and emotional "boo-hoo" moments and stumbled to a certain time line where I'm not even aware that something like a blog even exists. And here, my story starts...

The year was 2000. I was a freshman at a university somewhere down South. Being the loner that I partly am, I swung by myself most of the time. Maybe it's because that my classmates' interests didn't get my attention at all. Don't get me wrong... I'm pretty aware of overly social things like clubbing and partying with random people to your heart's content. It's just that I'm not into it, or maybe my activities usually involve coordinating with a group of very close friends. But anyway...

I was exploring my first years of college life with a bespectacled wonder by the name of Carla. I honestly did mind having her company at first, because I was such an idiot of a loner then shooing her off most of the time, considering we're able to talk a lot about things we're very much interested in (video games, local anime and trivial information to be specific). How she got my respect with all that I've done is still a mystery.

She told me one day that she wanted me to visit her very first website, named 204am.com. She placed some of her best literary works and posted a link where it'll take you to her journal. I visited it whenever I had a chance while it was still open and read her entries...

Now...Back in high school, I'm known by my own literary pieces in the poetry department. I chose that field at that time because you're free to express yourself and have your thoughts and emotions fit using a few words... But Carla's entries are exceptional... If I were to describe it in layman's terms, it can be compared to watching a show on a really big HD TV screen. I have to admit, that I was her fan when it comes to writing.

Knowing that never in a million years will I be able to do something compared to that, I started writing my own articles, in hopes that with this I'd be be able to find a world within me that's yet to be discovered.

I've had a lot of blogs started and discontinued because I was constantly searching for something to write about, when it should come out spontaneously. It always end up as a tiring read, even if most of them are short entries. Tiring, because most of my entries are personal as it is tad bit too dark and emotional. That's how it was. I've learned and tried to veer away from thoughts similar to that fashion but also ended up disappointed because It just looked and read like any other blog. I was able to pick up the pieces in hopes that my past mistakes don't surface in this year's entry.

Why do I write? Here's the answer I'm able to put up at this time:

I'm writing because I'd like to have my own voice, my opinionated response to what the world says...

I'm writing because I'd like to share my uniqueness to the world, in hopes that they would understand me too. (I know this is a tad bit too optimistic, but let this reason pass, please?)

I'm writing because I would like to unload all the unsaid words that I have kept through the years. I would like to be happier and stress-free when I'm with the people I co-exist.

And I'm still writing because I'm still to discover the world-- that unchartered territory hidden in me, in hopes that finding it would make me whole.

To those who haven't read my blog yet, please find time to read it. Though I don't normally update it on a daily basis, I assure you that this won't be a tiring site to read on to. :)

Enter! The Sunrise Shotgun

A few days earlier, I was swinging by my own (as always), drifting through the sea of people inside Glorietta. I've just satisfied my craving for writing and posted on my blog, thanks to the wonders of wifi technology. It really comes in handy especially when you've got plenty lots of time to burn and think away.

I was about to go to Greenbelt to drift around some more, when an unlikely familiar face got my attention-- The Sunrise Shotgun, Rene Cruz jr. tapping it away with his laptop inside Burger King. Don't get me wrong... I bump into someone I'm formally (or informally) acquainted with on several instances, it's just that his kind is something you don't normally get to see and meet on any given monday. In an instant, it felt like college again (DLSU-D college. Will tell you more about it on my future posts).

Rene, in my perspective is a celebrant. The very person who keeps us sane when all of us are engulfed in newspaper layouts, videos and photography portfolios, and nasty time-killers aka "Thesis". His witty antics and his drive for savoring every moment of it never failed to make us smile amidst the overwhelming stress

Hanging out with him and the other people at the "office" (he named a hut inside the University grounds, facing our college building as our dedicated hang-out spot) everytime can be compared to the clouds in a summer sky-- each moment is a unique as it passes, but if's fun nonetheless. His otherwordly viewpoint to reality taught me to take it easy, amidst the pressure (I have to admit I was very much a drama king back then). And he always has a reason for alcohol. Come to think of it, there's always a reason why one should drink... ^^,

Aside from his celebrator of life that he is, he is a talented writer and a film critique to the core. I'm serious on this! He'll definitely see something that's wrong on a given flick. If he doesn't like what sees, he'll probably sleep it off. Yes, he's mean, but if you're see things in a different perspective, you'll might even agree with him (he had me with this several times, which never fails to impress me). He'll give you one beating of an opinion to straighten you up and get one's act together (I've had a couple of his sermons in that past haha ^_^')

That's the Sunrise Shotgun for you. He's one of my closest friends, otherworldly in my perspective but definitely someone you can depend on. View his posts at http://sunriseshotgun.wordpress.com/. You might even see this as an interesting find ^_^'

Brain-frozen

I remember my friends Harima Kenji and Sgt. Senpai shared one their experiences while riding a jeep. One day when they took their usual route, one of the passengers jumped off as fast as he could, taking another commuter's bag with him. They saw the whole thing, stood up and froze-- not because of fear or anything because the both of them really wanted to help...

Harima and Sgt. Senpai, just like the rest of us (I meant our brotherhood of otakus ^^,) know a lot about martial arts. In fact Harima and I had a punching duel back at Sgt. Senpai's place once (which I took his Sunday punch and landed on the temple of my forehead. I remember if I took another one of those in that duel, I'd definitely be found kissing the floor). Going back... They tried to help the victim (who, apparently was laughing for no apparent reason at that time), but froze because they're not really sure how to get back with the snatcher. I'm pretty sure they want to beat the guy out to their heart's content, but from what Sgt. Senpai explained they both don't know if they both want to punch, or kick, or elbow, or knee (it might take me forever citing all of them) him.

No, I don't have any beef with anyone at the moment, what I'm trying to say is that I'm having the same kind of dilemma right now. Right now, I've got a lot of things to talk about, that I don't even know where to start. I'd love to share how this day went, but I'm not sure myself if I'm even that "comfortable" exposing my thoughts to the whole world at the moment.

One thing's for certain... I'll definitely be able to put up something either later, or tomorrow. ^_^' But for now I'll leave you with my brain frozen, ready to thaw anytime ^^,

Life, Jackie Chan, and the answer to Makunochi Ippo's question

*stares blankly at the monitor* Oh! Sorry guys... I was just viewing one of my blogs that I haven't even updated for the longest time (I think the last update was February 4, 2009). I was checking how much my writing style has changed over the years (considering it has been a while since I last blogged). I think I was bad a writer then, but if you're interested, here's the link http://ronin-fencer.livejournal.com/. By the way... This may not probably my best work, so take it easy, alright? ^^,

Though I've got to admit that somehow my psyche then and now has changed a bit through the years. If I'm to recall who I was then, I was half an asshole, and a complete sucker for getting into a relationship in the soonest possible time. Am I now to blame my raging hormones back then? Probably not. I guess everyone has to get an upgrade when the moment calls for it.

I don't know if you'll agree with me when I say this, but of all the profs who tried to instill the "values" and insights that they have acquired (I think hammered is a better term for this), Life is still the best, and probably the worst kung-fu master one is bound to encounter. I was about to say something like "teacher" or "coach", but then a kung-fu master would best describe how this goes.

Have you ever watched a really old Jackie Chan movie? My favorite was Drunken Master where Jackie Chan took the role of a troublesome youth who often gets in trouble, even if he didn't do it on purpose. He didn't want to train, even if at times he was beaten up. He was then "caught" by a beggar and taught him kung fu, drunken style (note: I used the word "caught", because he never really wanted to be trained by anyone). But moving on...

He was forced to be trained real hard, every movement was strictly supervised and, of course... there were lots drinking involved (you can't really use the technique if you're sober obviously). And being the character Jackie Chan portrayed in the film, he tried several times to run away from the whole routine (even to the point of drowning his master inside a huge jar full of water during one of their sessions).

To fast forward things a bit, all his training bore fruit and was able to beat the baddies in the film, using the very technique modern-day alcoholics may want to use if they're going home unusually late at night to protect themselves (but if you're at gun-point, just give them want they want, alright?).

Why did I even mention that life is something like that of a kung-fu master? Well at one point we've got to admit that everyday's a struggle to anything we badly desire. Life will not teach you how to be strong on one side-- Life will teach you how to handle our hardships on different angles, different timing, and on various gravities. And that beggar of a kung fu master taught Jackie how to handle himself in obviously tough situations through the inhumanly hard tasks he's constantly giving him.

I'm actually telling this story because the past two weeks, I've been feeling somewhat lost in reassessing myself-- where have I gone so far? How much ground do I still need to cover? Where's the nearest men's room... and the like. Then I remembered those times when I really didn't care what time should I go to sleep, or what and when would I be doing something. I really miss being in control of my own time. And I then realized that these were the times I was passively running away from things we should be prioritizing on.

When I started working and earning my keep, I then realize how fun being a grown up would be. But honestly, as the months and years pass this "fun" became so tiring that I just want to get away from all this nonsense. I guess I was again blinded by the energy of today's youth in pursuing their dreams while in school. (wait... There's energy in today's youth in CSB?) I have to admit...I really miss being a full-time student again.

As much as I'd love to go back to the time when once was, I realized that I'm a lot more capable than the guy who was complaining to just about anything he sees, breathes, tastes, hears, and touches but couldn't do anything about it. I'm a lot better than that. I've gained a whole lot of useful (and of course trivial) insights with the hardships I've encountered through the years. I'm barely that kid anymore...

To everyone's viewpoint, I guess it's safe to say that life is indeed a vicious master when it comes to training us to be stronger. And it doesn't matter how popular, or rich, or intelligent, or smart a person is. When our challenges gives us rain, it'll pour hard, enough to get us soaking wet. And our experiences, regardless of its gravity will tell us that when we're on down low, taking all the hardships and pains would eventually strengthen us in the future once we get through it. All that needs to be done is to keep on taking the punches, until it could no longer affects us. Besides, everything that we are experiencing is temporary in our own existences...

Funny. I think I've accidentally answered Ippo Makunochi's question ^_^'

I'm walking on this earth with Neko-chan, sitting on my head ^^,

People who don't know me well see me as a loner and a complete weirdo. Well... I can't blame them. People are entitled to their opinion regardless of how good or bad they see it. I've got to admit that there's some truth to these statements. I say some, because I'm not all this. I've got days when I'd rather do things in my own fashion, regardless of what other people would say and think about me. Mind your own business, I'd say ^_^'

I've got a handful of people whom I'm comfortable being myself. I still barely have a clue as to why I'm limiting myself to selected individuals, but maybe it's because that I have a tad bit of an issue with trusting other people easily. When I say trust issues, I meant I'll trust anyone who'll willingly accept the kind of character that I possess and will keep my wall up in case if they broke it. But anyway...

I haven't seen my friends for quite a while now, which, if I think so much about it, would make me really sad. But thanks to Neko-chan, it makes the world a lot less lonelier. Though I'd admit that my world would be peaceful had I not met her, but I'd like to believe that life's course requires me to meet her in the right time, and I have no regrets meeting her. Why? Read closely then...

Neko-chan and I met online. I was chatting at that time simply because I'd like to have someone to actually have a conversation with. And when I'm looking for one, I really mean it. No smooth-talking, no flirting, just no-nonsense (and plain nonsense) talk. She surprisingly stimulated my senses and after our first telephone conversation I was asking for more (oh, minds of the gutter you guys... I don't mean "that" kind of stimulation T_T').

And that was the beginning of something that's more beautiful than the word "beautiful". Our insanity led us to random spots within our town and around the metro. It led us to talking about anything from the otherworldly trivia, to the downright funny topics, and then shifting to the dead and plain serious ones. We've had our food trips and smoke-outs (smoking cigarettes outside), and shuttle rides, and hillarious laughters and cries, and verbal bouts (which I always lose most of the time ^^,). The list goes on, and it doesn't end there.

People sometimes ask me what's up with her that makes me feel at ease... And i would say she's a woman with style. And no, I don't simply mean about fashion. She took care of me in ways she does best (Sorry, but I'm gonna be vague with this). She's brave enough to keep up with me on my bad days. She finds ways to keep me amused (yes, even at her expense). But the best thing about her is that she proved to me several times that no matter what happens, regardless of whose fault it is, she'll be right there when you need her. She earned my respect so bad that if anyone hurts her or any of her family and friends..I'd go cruisin' for a bruisin' (and probably even more violent if need be).

So that's my Neko-chan. True, loving, sweet, smart, and obnoxiously funny. I will be always by her side, no matter what the future is in store for the two of us.

On Friends, of friends, of friends...(?!)

Earlier today, I was typing about a topic about my interests and hobbies, in hopes that anyone who has the time to read about my blog understand how my mind works. However I scratched it off because of one small distraction. My internet browser is on with my Facebook account in it. I say its a distraction because I've completely lost track of what I'm supposed to write about and tinkered on my profile instead to make it more enjoyable to view and read on (yeah, blame it on the website now ^^,). Then it struck me, so I'll probably write about those on my next posts.

Right now, I currently have 475 "friends" in it. 475 people that I've stumbled, met, talked and went around the metro with. I've to admit that most of my friends here are women. No, it doesn't mean that I'm gay nor I'm a ladies man. I guess I prefer having female friends around, because I feel that they're there to listen to whatever you're feeling at the moment and they exert effort to try to make you see things in a different perspective, as well as give the best, if not, the most appropriate advice to make you pick up the broken pieces and start anew. Again, don't get me wrong because the closest friends that I have are guys as always. In fact, Sgt. Senpai is the very person I can depend on in case the whole would become something like that game, Left 4 Dead. But this is not what I'm here to talk about.

The friends in my profile are composed of people whom I grew up with, went to high school and college, close relatives and siblings, and people I've worked with from the moment I realized that I am a social being. Some of the people not related to these categories, well I think I've probably met them online at the infamous chat-relay client program mIRC a few years back, and the rest? Well I've probably met them along the way.

Back in my hey-day IRC days I add people left and right for the very reason that it feels good to know that my profile has a lot of friends. But then a few months after, I end up deleting them because they're not really friends to begin with. What I saw then were random people whom I don't know and have no direct connection to me as far I'm concerned. Plus what I did contradicts the whole concept of connecting with people you haven't been in contact with for a period of time.

I simply would like to make it clear that if anyone who "bumped" into me, talked and chuckled for a while, and then ask for my profile to add on does not guarantee that they'll stay on my list of friends because it doesn't necessarily work that way. I don't mean to sound as if I'm a very important person or connection, but I value my friendship to the people I'm with. And the people around my circle earned their respects, the same way I've earned theirs. So yeah, we're friends, you've seen and commented on my gundam collection and other random pictures I've posted, and read my blog. But question is, do I really know you?

In case I've added you... Well aren't you a lucky one, huh?

R & R (Rants and Regrets)

This would probably be the second time I would be transferring tables due to strong winds today. I almost forgot to buy cigarettes...I'll probably get a pack later. What the hell.

If you're one of my friends in my facebook account, you'd probably see one of my shout-outs wishing I'd go back ten years ago. I've never told anyone as to why I said such a thing like that. I'm currently living my life in the fast-lane, kissing aussie boots for eight hours by day and rushing to school for night classes. I'm able to buy the things and pamper myself with my wants for any given day. It's probably the kind of life anyone would want.

I hope you could sense a lot of bull on my last statement because it sure is.

I shouldn't be using my blogs for my usual rants. Not because in a "business" aspect, it won't be good for the influx of money (after all, making money is all they can think about and nothing else. Manpower is probably the only factor I know that can be replaced and disposed of emotionlessly), but I guess I wouldn't want to turn this blog as a reason to pour out my heartaches everytime I'm experiencing it. After all... reading or listening to someone else's problems is tiring (Well... La-dee-dah. We all have problems... Why the hell should I listen to yours?)

I just wish I could go back ten years ago. To correct the mistakes that I've done... Maybe right now, I could be somewhere where I can really make a difference, not just in my life but also on others. Maybe right now I'm not living with my folks, but on a condo complex paying my bills with no trace of worries. Maybe then using public transportation is something that I'll do to relive and remember what it's like to be one with the rest. Maybe I'd be more stable as a person... If I hadn't considered living life too easily then maybe I'd be someone a lot of people could look up on.

Reality bites that regrets linger in the end. I've learned that the hard way, and I'm still paying for it. Maybe that's something inevitable. Maybe that's something written in my blood already.

Probably tomorrow's a different day. Oh well.

The Ippo Makunochi Question

Pardon for being anime-ish. But I have to admit that until now, I'm still a sucker for japanese anime. Not because of the alien-eyed women, not the flashy heroic poses, nor the kick-ass looks, not even their deliquent-ish social demeanor in their shows, but it's more on the philosophical side of things. Yes, anime has a philosophy on it's own. It's not just the big "sweat drop" expression, or the exaggerated movements. Things most adults overlook as rubbish, or things for child's play only-- because it's all done in paper, or something they can not gossip about because they're barely even considered as being existent. No, I believe there's more to that.

Well, since I don't usually have the time to watch anime, I spend most of my time reading japanese comicbook series also known as "manga". I frequent the site onemanga.com simply because for one, it doesn't really require you to sign in or anything. Two, it's free website and three, it has most of the copies that are currently being shown in anime (only that it's too advanced, that you have to read the back issues before getting to the most recent release). I've stumbled upon the series named "Hajime no Ippo". Locally in the Philippines, it's dubbed as Knock Out (which is also part of the title). Since the anime itself got my attention, I figured reading it would be a blast. Right now, it's more than 700 episodes long. Sure that it sounds like a long read, but I realized that when they release it in the animated series, two or three episodes are squished into one. Being the nerd that I am, I started from the first issue and chop-sueyed it until I get to the most recent release.

To give you the whole gist of what Hajime no Ippo is all about, the story tells a story of Ippo Makunochi, a highschool nobody who often gets bullied and beaten up most of the time. His life flipped over when he was saved from his bullies by a boxer by the name of Mamoru Takamura. Ever since, he started training like mad, rose from the ranks as a champion, and yet is still chasing after the answer to the very question that probably some may even have difficulties finding the answer to the problem...

What does it mean to be strong?

Yes, it's an elementary question. And please don't try answering this recklessly. Though the anime is focused purely on boxing, it's not specifically in lieu with physical strength, but on a deeper side of what it really means to be strong. I tried answering this question myself for the poor sap and somehow it got me asking that question myself in the end. Don't worry, I'm not going emo or anything like it. I'd just like to pop in a question, and for you to answer it by simply thinking out of the box.

The matches in the manga includes several boxers body parts being smashed, heads flying after being taken down by their Sunday punches (the kind of punch that figuratively puts you down cold, like "you get punched now, and that by the time you wake up it's already Sunday"), feints, unrealistic one-twos, flashy footworks, poker faces, and KO's. If you think about it, that's what boxers usually get from matches, which is nothing out of the ordinary right? That's absolutely correct.

You see... just like any other boxers, Ippo trained and fought his hardest. He ran until his legs won't follow. He punches as if it were his last. He spars as if it's the actual competition already, and yet he didn't complain about his usual tasks of waking up ridiculously early in the morning for work (he works as an assistant for his mom's fishing boat, carrying baits, rods and other equipment being brought by leisure fishermen), and then runs to the gym to train. Whenever he's being hit real hard by an opponent in a match, he tries his best not to fall and even if he did he always rose up and continue the fight and gives out his best punches he was trained to do.

Now I know that even if we have the physique to take up boxing, we probably might not for our own personal reasons. But what if we think out of the box (err... ring)? Me? I patterned this from my daily routine (which is mostly all about work) and picked up the question and asked myself. I wasn't able to answer it, knowing that my "knees" buckled several times, even knocked out cold due to both pressure and stress (I'll probably include pain as well). Yet I still rose up and continued the fight regardless of who's winning or not. Yes, it even came to the point where I don't even know what I'm fighting for. Theoretically, I'd like to believe we also have our current matches in life as well, regardless of its own unique and tailored nature. I won't name some but you definitely know what I mean. And it's probably up to our own strategies as to how to get by and be "stonger" in our own field.

So, even with this lengthy conversation I'm still not yet able to answer the question. But if you a really good answer to this, please feel free to comment. I'd like to trade notes with you, and who knows? we just might find the solution to everyone's question

Let's talk about my hometown ^^,

I believe I haven't talk about where I grew up. I'm not really sure whether you're interested about it or not, but in case if you do... well I guess it won't hurt for me to share you the very place that I love and hate on a particular day. Just a disclaimer... Don't expect me to tell you it's exact location for, again I want to preserve my anonymity.

Villa Mendoza is a subdivison somewhere in Sucat, Paranaque City. It's a small, modest and quiet subdivision that is composed of only three streets. I can definitely assure you that you'll never get lost here, simply because there's only one way for you to get in and out of it. If I am to picture our location on a bird's eyeview perspective, it looks like a small dragon fly whose wings and legs are either detached or cut off. And we live just in between its eyes, which is but a five-minute walk from the tip of its tail. (sorry for the small "riddle-me-this" statement. I think I've given enough hints already ^_^'). I tried using Google Maps to find its exact location and for someone who knew the place for so long, it honestly took me a while to find it.

Our house isn't actually grand mansion or anything similar to it. It is a small and cozy "greened" bungalow. I say it's greened because my Dad wanted it toa make feel more at home by planting random forms of flora. We used to have dogs once, but since the subdivision is secure, and the doors to our abode are heavily bolted, we feel we don't need for one (I've always wanted a cat though, but Dad won't permit it. But that's another story ^_^').

Our house built strategically, that we never experienced floodwater from entering the house. In case if you do not know, Paranaque is near sea level, and a network of rivers and creeks "divide" the whole land which makes it more susceptible to floods. when struck by heavy rains. We're blessed that we haven't experienced moving our belongings to higher ground like the others living near the creekside area.

The people at our subdivision came from all walks of life. You'd know it from the way either from their parked cars along the street, how frequent they go outside their homes, or how their houses are built. But all of them are friendly and accomodating (except for a couple of people who wanted no participation on any of the subdivision activities). Kids have the freedom to go out and run along the streets, though that still depends on which part of the subdivision they are playing. By that, I meant the locally-owned Philippine Rice Hounds ("askal" or "asong kalye" in short) patrolling on some parts that happen to be extremely territorial. I'm saying this because even though that the subdivision is small, there are still areas that are unoccupied and you can only tell that by the tall cogon grass that covers them.

I have lived in that area for more or less 25 years now. I learned how to ride a bike, had my first bike accident, bitten by aggressive dogs, fell in and out of love, and grew up with the local kids who now assume the role of drinking and smoking buddies. I have to admit that even though that a small, simple, and quiet subdivision like Villa Mendoza that's so unheard of to most of the citizens in Paranaque city, this location happened to leave a mark on my personality as a citizen of this sort-of place, and my main haven ^_^'

Overcoming writer's block

Every time I visualize something enjoyable to write on, it suddenly disappears... Don't you just hate those moments when they come? I'm not really a writer, but whenever a good topic pops in my head, I try my best to gain access to a laptop or pc to empty my thoughts off to a blog in the soonest time possible to satisfy my rare creative outbursts. Unfortunately, living on the metro dissipates everything that you have mentally-acquired. Ergo, you enter into writer's block. A temporary mental version of a punch-drunkeness for a boxer.

Since I couldn't bring my laptop everytime, all the time (not because it's heavy or anything, I'm just trying to make my life a lot less stressful from paranoia), here I am, doodling it all off on paper so I can type it down when I get home. Yep. Old school meets somewhat "new-school", if you will. Since I always bring a pen and paper(and a wad of it, mind you) I can always scribble anytime I have the idea. I have to admit that I somehow like this kind of set-up, though I have to admit... it's tedious!

And you wanna know something amusing? I wrote this three days ago, and forgot to put it all in the moment I get home ^_^'