It sucks when "growing up" becomes more and more of a strict requirement.

Right at this very moment, I’m currently tracing back as far as my earthly existence is concerned. And so far, I’ve come to realized that I will be turning 27 in a few months. Three more years and I’m no longer within the age “20” bracket. That means 26 years of living and acting as if I’m a cartoon character in an anime show, minus the obvious expressions you’d normally see if you watch an episode (huge sweat drops, frantic movements etc). Usually these ideas don’t bother me at all since it would just be like what… a year older on my record? And most likely, celebrating my birthday wouldn’t be an explosive one compared to a couple of people I know. But now it alerts me the same way my alarm clock functions—may not be annoyingly loud, but a message can be clearly understood from it.

Guys, I’m worried about how my life would turn out in the next coming years, financially-speaking. I don’t usually worry a lot, but now it scares me by sheer thought of it.

Usually when I look at my desk, all I can see are 16 Gundam model kits that I’ve collected since the beginning of last year. Now, I look at approximately Php13,000 wasted completely on “toys”. That amount could’ve been allotted to something more productive and useful either with my academics or in handling my finances. I’m looking at the times when I splurge selflessly on things that temporarily satisfy my material desires (minds off the gutter, please). My somewhat rare escapades to the metro are becoming more and more… pointless.

I’m probably sober from my financial delusions that one day I’ll be hitting the lottery jackpot. Though wishful thinking that you may probably strike gold in that kind of fashion, it’s still illogical. A random John Doe would have more chances getting hit by an 18-wheeler in broad daylight, than winning in these kinds of games…

So… A quick reality check, here. Where am I now?

· I’m working as an agent in a call center, somewhere in the metro earning more or less around 8-9K per cut off every month.

· I’m currently taking up Arts Management in one of the newest artistically-involved institution since UST, and since my job involves working during the day and that night schedules are becoming more and more hard to find, I don’t think I’d be able to finish the course anytime soon.

· Dating myself for 500 bucks and less whenever I have the time. If not, then I’d be sticking my ass at home until further notice, since I can surf wirelessly with ease.

· Still stucked-up with my ideal lifestyle and is somewhat struggling to make that a reality.

The question I’m asking myself now, is.. What are my chances really of changing the course of my life and for me to stop sulking and brooding over lost hopes? I’m interested in making my life free from thinking too much about when will my next pay check will arrive for me to satisfy my needs and the family that I will establish in the future. One thing’s for sure… My current paycheck won’t satisfy much on that. What do I still need to do?

I hope I’m not all too late realizing this.